Updated: Dec 11, 2018

3 Signs your relationship is toxic.

You're not alone.

Don't allow the need to be needed be the reason you have toxic relationships! 

Over the course of my 20 something years of life I've encountered almost every type of relationship. I've been in toxic relationships with a bae, I've been in the most selfish friendships, and I've let people I thought loved/cared about me take advantage of me.

Here's the deal...

There were signs in every single one of these relationships that I needed to leave.

I'm the nice girl, you know the one who can't say no, the one who despite is hurting and screaming inside will still put her feelings aside to make someone else happy. Yea, that was me for nearly 25 years of my life. I did what everyone else wanted me to do and gave up on my own personal happiness. 

Know the signs. 

1. It shouldn't be hard: 

Your friendship or relationship should just flow. If you're constantly thinking of all the ways to make it work and you feel like your kissing more ass, saying more sorries, or walking on eggshells at all times. GET OUT. Your relationship should be a positive light not a hindrance to your happiness. Don't get me wrong there will be times when someone absolutely drives you up the wall and annoy the living daylights outta you. But the love is equal, the love is kind, and the love is empathetic. 

2. You always feel lonely. 

If you're always lonely then you are. You need to decide are you lonely because you segregate yourself or are you lonely because no one is there for you? For years I was lonely as hell, yet madly in love with all the 'friends', which makes absolutely no sense. Your boy/girlfriend or your best friend should be your refuge in the storm. If you feel like you come to them to vent and somehow it turns into being all about them... GET OUT. Surround yourself with people who love you more than you love you sometimes. These people are your tribe. 

3. They only call you when they need you. 

Look, we're all busy, we all have things going on. But if they only call you when they need something... GET OUT! These are the relationships where they call you when they need money, a ride, a recommendation letter, food delivered like you're their personal Uber Eats. But when you call, they're busy, don't feel good, or not sure if they can well then you know what's up and it's not you. Now don't get me wrong, there are the friendships that don't need the constant checking in. You know the friendships where it's been 3-4 months but when you link up it's a celebration. I didn't develop my tribe until I was 26. I didn't find my skwad until I realized lifelong friends aren't the same as best friends and you don't owe anybody anything! 

Communicate how you feel, if the response isn't on par with your feelings then you know what to do. This process takes time, patience, prayer, and confidence.

You got this! 

Ray B.